One day at a time but holding on

Life has been crazy around here but I think we are all doing well with it. I asked Peter to move out for awhile and he did but I think I have seen him more now than ever before. He is staying with a friend but the only time he is not here is when he is working or sleeping. I'm trying to get over all of this but it is not easy. I'm not sleeping well and I'm getting a cold. (it sucks) the girls are doing well they have their dance recital coming up so they are busy with that. Ben and Luke don't know anything going on they are happy all the time . The house is peaceful without him here really. I find he did more of the fussing and fighting and now that he is not here at night it is nice . I hope in the end things will work out for my family but right now I have to heel my own heart. i don't know what is going to happen but i know God will lead me where i need to go. if anyone has any answer to how it get past all of this and start trusting him again please let me know. truth be told I'm thinking of just being alone for the rest of my life. the only men i need in my life is Ben and Luke. The perfect Man or should i say Men. Are there any good men out there? if there is they are married, 2 years old, or a woman. life just isn't fair.

sorry it been so long

I have not written anything new because I was not sure where to start. You see I didn't know what to say because i was afraid of what people would think of me but you know what i didn't do anything wrong . SO here goes the truth. I'm dealing with something that i never thought I would have too. I always said that if my husband cheated he would be gone but when it really happens there is so much more to deal with. we have four kids , two of them are very young and Kayla has a lot of med. needs. There is just to much to think about . I always thought i would leave and never look back . I wish it could be that easy.I know the girls know whats going on so i hope someday they will understand that whatever I do it was done for them. I just pray that i make the right choice. with that said lets move on, the kids are growing and doing well. We went to Disney world the last week of Jan. They all had a blast and Luke loved the "NemO" show and we road the NEmO ride 5 time in a row. it was a nice trip and a good way to get thing off my mind. Kelsey is ready to go back and I can't lie I would love to be there too. Kelsey will be 11 on the 18 and Ben & Luke will be 2 on the 20 . Time goes by so fast before i know it they will all be grown. I thank God every day for trusting me with these great kids and i hope I am being the mom he wants me to be.